The Useless Mr. Zhuang [没出息的庄先生] Ch. 1

Translated by Neirith

Following winter solstice, the temperature became increasingly frigid. 

Qiu Zheyan moved to the coat rack and removed his black cashmere coat, preparing to return home. As he walked through the corridor, he passed by an employee who asked, “Heading home, Mr. Qiu?”

Although Qiu Zheyan was the boss, he was young, even tempered, and extremely skilled. They were in the IT field, and the average age of the company’s employees was low as they had only a small number of employees. The atmosphere was relaxed, and employees were comfortable joking with their boss. 

Qiu Zheyan’s cheeks were slightly red and his eyes shone as his body exuded unrepressed happiness. He said, “Yes, I have something to do at home.”

When he left, the remaining employees packed up to go home. Everyone couldn’t help but start gossiping:

“Did Mr. Qiu start dating recently?”

“I think so, I can smell the scent of love all over the place.”

“Just now, Mr. Qiu’s face was really glowing.”

“I sense that Mr. Qiu must really like his girlfriend.”

“Great, we can get off work earlier.”

“I really didn’t expect Mr. Qiu to get a girlfriend without telling us. And here I was, thinking I might have a chance, hahaha.”

Qiu Zheyan, 26, was the CEO of an IT company. He’d had a smooth sailing life, thus far. He skipped grades, graduated from a prestigious university, and had a family that was well-off. While he was still a university student, he and his schoolmates started a business to generate some income. Upon graduation, he went to work for a large company and gained two years of experience before resigning to start his own company. 

Additionally, Qiu Zheyan was a handsome lady-killer, with sword-like eyebrows, starry eyes, broad shoulders, and long legs. He was a gentleman of great moral conduct who had never been involved in any sex scandals.

　　——”Mr. Qiu’s partner must be a Ms. Perfect, right?”

　　——”Mr. Qiu’s qualities are so great, he must have set his sights high. Last time, there was a Ms. Perfect who chased him all the way to the company, but he refused even her. I’m really not sure what kind of divine being was able to capture Mr. Qiu.”

　　——”Must be a tremendously beautiful woman. Only that type could match with Mr. Qiu. Even though Mr. Qiu looks good, I think his requirements are really high. Guys like the younger type, so it must be a younger girl.”

Because Qiu Zheyan lived close to the company, it only took ten minutes to drive home. When he opened the door, he heard the sounds of a video game coming from the living room and occasionally heard a man’s relaxed laugh.

Hearing this, Qiu Zheyan couldn’t help but turn up his mouth as his eyes crinkled into a smile and his mood lifted. Taking off his leather shoes, he placed them neatly into the shoe cabinet and put on slippers. He walked lightly into the house and saw a man in the living room. 

The man was laying down in front of the TV with a blanket strewn across him, wearing a dark-blue striped yukata. His left leg appeared to be a little itchy, so he bent his right leg to use the toes of his right foot to scratch his calf. This action led the hem of his robe to open up a bit, but he didn’t seem to notice. Beside him were three beer cans and an ashtray filled with cigarettes. He was currently concentrated on the game.

Movement was heard by the corgi laying across the man’s leg. With its stubby legs, it jumped up and ran to Qiu Zheyan, tongue lolling. 

The pale-skinned, thin man had faint dark circles around his eyes and appeared like a standard shut-in. Although a bit handsome, he could only be considered a good looking uncle. As the man was enthralled by the game, he didn’t appear to have noticed Qiu Zheyan’s return. 

　　——”You like the young and the beautiful, right? One look and you can tell Mr. Qiu isn’t that type of shallow man.”

　　——”Then, what do you think?”

　　——”Mr. Qiu is a highly skilled conversationalist. His partner must be the same. Definitely elegant and graceful.”

“Shush.” Qiu Zheyan patted the pup’s head and made a gesture of silence as he walked behind Zhuang Hanxue, wrapping his arms around the man’s shoulders and gently sat him up, pulling him into his arms. He buried his face in the crook of the man’s neck, smelling the aromatic mixture of shower gel with trace amounts of tobacco, and kissed the side of the man’s ears and neck. 

“Just showered?”

The man did not appear to be upset about having been interrupted mid-game, as his eyes were still fixed on the screen. He responded naturally, “Yes, I must always be prepared to serve His Highness Xiao Qiu.”

How could the man be this way? Qiu Zheyan blushed. “Don’t call me His Highness.”

The word “VICTORY” flashed across the screen accompanied by a barrage of fireworks. The man placed down his controller and said with an easy smile, “You weren’t so shy when you gave me these clothes. Why are you so shy now?”

As he said this, he gave Qiu Zheyan a peck on the lips. Qiu Zheyan paused momentarily before hungrily returning the kiss, like a glutton. Every touch alighted a spark that aroused a burning flame within his body from the tips of his fingers reaching into his heart, causing him to lose all rationality. 

He was young, and the two had been together for a period of two months, still within the passionate period. It was like a new game that he was addicted to exploring every day. He couldn’t put it down, couldn’t get enough. 

Stop.

The man rubbed his waist, holding a cigarette to his mouth as he uttered, “My old waist is about to snap.”

Qiu Zheyan lit the cigarette for him. “Smoke less.”

The man replied shamelessly, “If I mess around with you in the living room, award me one cigarette.”

Qiu Zheyan’s face grew hot as he recalled his own beast-like behavior. Ashamed, he decided to put on a noble act. “Who told you not to wear underwear… I gave some…”

Smoke from the man’s cigarette tickled his cheeks as the man said boldly, “Crotch pants are supposed to be worn under a yukata, not those types of underwear. Next time, give me some crotch pants.” 

In the face of this shameless old man, Qiu Zheyan had to admit defeat. 

At this point in the tale, Mr. Qiu’s lover, the loafer, should be introduced.

Surnamed Zhuang, named Hanxue. If he were to be named aptly, he would probably be called Xianyu*, this unemployed, 34 year old good-for-nothing. Although he was named “great studies,” the reality was that he was incompetent and devoid of skill. In his entire life, he was neither evil nor benevolent, had contributed nothing to society but also did no harm. He was simply another person on the planet, an ordinary person.
^{*salted fish}

Zhuang Hanxue was pretty content with his current life. He met Qiu Zheyan through online gaming, and their relationship progressed from two-dimensions to three-dimensions. Ten years ago, he would have never imagined that he would become a game addicted idler, or the fact that at this age, he would have met a man through online dating.   　

In the beginning, Qiu Zheyan had given him a job as a stay-at-home game companion* that included housing, insurance, and 8,000 monthly.  It didn’t take long before he was coaxed into bed.
^{*a service where you can pay someone to play video games with you}

In order for his “salary” to be given, he didn’t need to cook or clean. He could do whatever he wanted all day; the only thing he needed to do was wear the clothes that Qiu Zheyan prepared for him in advance.

Finishing his cigarette, Zhuang Hanxue leaned over to peruse Qiu Zheyan’s work. There was a letter from an entertainment company. Their company had sought a female celebrity named Jiang Ruoyun to discuss endorsement for their upcoming promotion, but had been declined. It could have been the case that the compensation was insufficient, or that their quality had not been high enough. 

Glancing at it, Zhuang Hanxue said seriously, “You want to find Jiang Ruoyun for an endorsement? She’s popular right now and her asking price is high. But she’s my ex-girlfriend, I can help you reach out to her. Maybe she’ll give me a little face.”

Qiu Zheyan immediately laughed. This Zhang Hanxue really had delusions of grandeur. Jiang Ruoyun was the newest popular actress starring in Pure Group. There were all sorts of male fans on the internet, proclaiming her as “my wife, my girlfriend.” This surname Zhuang Hanxue was just an ordinary uncle without any abilities. 

Hearing him laugh, Zhuang Hanxue beamed, “It’s true, don’t you believe me…”

Qiu Zheyan kissed him, not taking him seriously as he said with a smile, “It’s true, it’s true, so I can’t let you contact her. What if you guys rekindle your relationship? I’ll be jealous.”

Task complete. 

Pinching Zhuang Hanxue’s fingers, Qiu Zheyan played with his hands, occasionally kissing his ring finger as their ten fingers intertwined. Tired, Zhuang Hanxue yawned, intending to go to bed. 

At this time, he suddenly heard Qiu Zheyan say, “Remember I told you my parents are abroad? Next week, for Christmas, do you wanna come home with me to have dinner with my parents? My mom’s a chef and her food is delicious. They keep asking to see you, wanna come?”

When he heard this, Zhuang Hanxue was no longer sleepy, he awakened in an instant. 

On this planet, the greatest headache for an unscrupulous person was doing serious business. He had been slapped by fans, splashed with water, beaten with Louis Vuitton bags, but he had never agreed to meet with the parents. Mr. Zhuang was immensely troubled. 

Soon as he turned his head, he saw Qiu Zheyan peering at him anxiously, like a big golden retriever. 

So damn cute! Zhuang Hanxue became muddled, feeling that this trick was particularly despicable. He was unable to refuse each time he was peered at by these two dogs. His resistance to this trick was none. Otherwise, how could he have been kidnapped into bed by a man who was seven years younger than him? It was like that the first time they rolled in bed. 

Soulessly, Zhuang Hanxue nodded, “Okay.”

He saw Qiu Zheyan’s eyes light up and he could almost see the big dog tail wagging into a propeller. 　　

Then he relaxed, thinking to himself that Qiu Zheyan was just speaking lightly. They were both men, he was seven years older, and he was unemployed. How could his parents accept him as their son’s partner? 　　

When Qiu Zheyan’s parents finally reject him, then he could be at ease.

—–

Neirith: Thanks for reading. This is a a spin off of Blooming Romance by the same author and merely a teaser as I have no plans to continue translating the novel at this time. However, hope that this will garner some interest and allow someone to pick up this novel in the future.